by Lyn Perry
A Tche’klovian was visiting his friend in Ba’laxia. When asked what he wanted to do while on vacation, the Tche’k replied, “I would like to visit the Galaxy-renown Ba’laxian Zoo.” This was a wonderful suggestion and so the next morning the two set off to tour the famous zoological gardens.
As they were strolling through the zoo, they came upon an exhibit which housed a pair of super-sized, genetically altered gorillas from a distant planet called Earth. They were just reading how dangerous these animals were when, all of a sudden, one of the gorillas busted out of its cage, ran toward the visitors, grabbed the Tche’k and swallowed him whole.
The friend barely escaped to safety and called for help. The zoo keeper arrived at once, but both gorillas were back in their cage licking their lips. The Ba’laxian explained what had happened and the official immediately grabbed an axe and asked the man, “Quick, we don’t have much time before he suffocates. Which gorilla did it? Was it the male or the female?” The Ba’laxian couldn’t tell the difference.
“Well,” the zoo keeper said, “the female is usually more aggressive so we better start there. I hope we’re right or your friend’s a goner.” He quickly split the female gorilla open but found nothing. “I’m sorry,” the zoo keeper said, “but it’s too late. It seems…”
“No, don’t tell me,” the Ba’laxian pleaded.
“Yes,” the zoo keeper explained, “the Tche’k is in the male!”
Too Many Crooks!
An evil giant caught some thieves breaking into his home. He captured them and stuck them in a cage. While he was trying to decide what to do with them, he poured himself a beer and sat down on a bench to think. His friend happened by the window and asked what he was doing.
"I caught some thieves," the giant replied. "I'm trying to decide what to do with them." He picked up the cage and showed the five frightened men to his friend.
"Oh," said the friend. "Humans. They're too small to eat for lunch, but they taste great as a snack with beer. I had some just the other day."
"Beer?" The giant turned the cage around and peered at the thieves. "That sounds interesting. I'll have to try it. Thanks." The giant's friend waved and wandered off. The giant watched him go, then scrutinized the occupants of the cage. "Beer… I believe I'll try that right now."
He opened the cage door and pulled one of the men out. The thief struggled and tried to bite the giant, but his mouth wouldn't open far enough. "Stop wiggling," the giant thundered. The man managed to slip out of the giant's grasp and fell into the beer. Something in the beer reacted with his skin and a nice bit of foam appeared in the mug.
"Oh hey," the giant squinted into the mug, "I like that." He pulled a second man out of the cage and dropped him into the mug too. The foam got even higher. The giant cackled and dropped the other three men into the mug one at a time. Each time, the foam rose until he dropped the fifth man into the beer. As the last thief splashed into the liquid, the foam burped and dissipated.
The giant scowled into the beer, then reached down and plucked one of thieves out. As soon as the man left the beer, a nice foamy head rose almost to the top of the mug.
"Well," said the giant as he dropped the extra thief back into the cage and shut the door, "I guess I'll stick with four. Evidently too many crooks spoil the froth."
Want more general silliness? Then own Strange Worlds of Lunacy, and anthology of silly stories, jokes, limericks, poetry, and cartoons. It was compiled and edited by me (Lyn Perry) and Crystalwizard. Here's the official blurb.
Strange Worlds of Lunacy is a compilation of the funniest fantasy and sci-fi humor in the galaxy, the known universe, and all nine-million planes of existence! (Okay, well, maybe just the surrounding 5 blocks.) More than 50 short stories, limericks, and poems by breakout authors and seasoned veterans alike. This antho will have you laughing so hard you'll wet your...
"...a squeaky-clean bathroom buddy." ~ Colin P. Davies